To Have and To Hold by Alina Comsa came across my suggests a bit ago, and the blurb sounded good, so – as I usually do – I picked up the new to me indie author and gave the book a read. And I was hooked from the start and couldn’t put it down.
To Have and To Hold by Alina Comsa
To Have and To Hold by Alina Comsa is a dark stalker romance standalone. It was published on October 22, 2024 and is 289 pages long. You can find this book on Amazon, Kindle Unlimited, and the author’s website here.
Premise
Abandoned as a baby, Siah grew up believing she wasn’t wanted. To make matters worse someone was stalking her. She’d go months believing everything was ok, that he’d moved on, and suddenly she’d feel the burning hidden stare of her stalker again. Unfortunately, no one, not even the husband who was supposed to support her and had in the past, believed her. She’d been told paranoia, diagnosed and drugged, yet still she doubted every single person around her. She was told she was trapped in a cage of her own making, but soon she’d figure out someone else had put her there. The question was, would she want to leave once the door was opened?
Triggers
Triggers found in To Have and To Hold by Alina Comsa include:
- Stalking
- Dub-con/Non-con
- Blood play
- Somnophilia
- Gun play
- Sexually explicit scenes
- Death of a parent (mentions)
- Child abandonment (mentions)
- Child abuse/negligence (mentions)
- Domestic Violence/Assault
- Entrapment
- Mental Health Issues (paranoia, depression, anxiety)
- Emotional/Mental/Physical abuse
- Medical Procedure – Birth Control
- Torture
- Emesis
- Gaslighting
- Suicide (mentions)
- Death
- Divorce (car accident – mentions)
My Thoughts
First and foremost, this book has twists that will keep you guessing, while you might be correct in your predictions, I’m going to do my best to keep spoilers to a minimum.
To Have and To Hold by Alina Comsa is a dark stalker romance. It is not a “well the flag isn’t that red,” type of stalking. This is a our stalker is a full on red flag. And we will refer to our stalker as HIM. Why? Because that is how the author refers to him.
“I’ll burn the world to the fucking ground and build a cage for my pretty mockingbird from the ashes to ensure no one else has her.” – To Have and To Hold by Alina Comsa
First off, Siah has an absolutely heart-breaking story. Not only was she abandoned as a baby, grew up in a system that made her feel unwanted, and finally find what she believed to be love, but that love turned around and slapped her in the face when she needed her husbands support the most.
As you continue to read, you find out so much about her past, and the way she’s been manipulated, that it even had me questioning how she was surviving. Thankfully she did have a couple of people in her life who fought for her until Siah could fight for herself.
This story is not just about healing from trauma. Siah’s entire life, everything she’s ever known, will blow up in her face, leaving her scrambling to figure out the truth, while not knowing if she can even trust those she’s been closest too.
Alina captures the emotional aspects of having so many traumatic experiences while also beautifully portraying a stalker that you hate, up until the last 20% or so of the book. This man is fucked in the head, and you actually fear him, until the secrets come pouring out and his absolute devotion is set.
And sure it’s toxic, and Stockholm, but in the end – for fictional characters ONLY – maybe having that type of absolute devotion is exactly what Siah needs. After the abandonment, lies, gaslighting, and everything else she’s been through in her life, maybe she needs someone whose actions are louder than the voices in her head.
“This is what you do to me,” he grits in my mouth. “Drive me insane, dissolve every little bit of sanity I have left. I can’t breathe, I can’t think, I can’t fucking exist when you’re not around.” – To Have and To Hold by Alina Comsa
As for the spice, oh it was very good. Be prepared though, dub-con and non-con themes are present as well as body betrayal. So take care of yourself, if those are not your things, stay away.
The spice isn’t too much either, there is a lot of plot with this book, and the spice slides in – pun not intended but I’ll take it – beautifully. There is a good amount of kink sprinkled in too.
“Little mockingbird, I live and I die for you. Love is too small in the face of what you mean to me.” – To Have and To Hold by Alina Comsa
Siah’s been through so much in her life that it’s unsurprising to see the growth in her throughout this book. We see her learn to fight for herself, to question what she’s been told, and to prioritize herself and her feelings. I absolutely love to see it.
As for the side characters in the book, or the other main characters, I enjoyed a lot of them. But due to the nature of this book and not wanting to give away spoilers I will not be saying anything more.
The overall vibes of the book are to make you feel uncomfortable, twisted, and super dark. Not the darkest I’ve read, and maybe not the darkest with the spicy scenes, but absolutely one of the more deep dark reads.
Who Would Like To Have and To Hold by Alina Comsa?
Tropes in To Have and To Hold by Alina Comsa include:
- Stalker
- Mental Health
- Trauma/Healing
If you liked Haunting Adeline by HD Carlton, Firethorne by Nikki J Summers, or the Fallen God Duet by Gabrielle Sands, you will likely love this book as well.
Have you read To Have and To Hold by Alina Comsa, or have you added it to your TBR? Let me know in the comments. I love interacting with readers over books I loved.